Malaise..

30092004

Am in a very uncomfortable,un-conscious and malaise state.Physically and mentally.Which I do not know what is wrong with me and my health.It has been going on and off with my sickness.With the flu,fever,sore throat, cough i had for two months or more which i could not remember, would not seems to bugged off from my body.Recently been having constant headache from day to night ; night to day, having chest pain and difficult in breathing with some slight sharp pain in my ear and now am having some smoky black vision now and then flashing through my eyes.Once in a while get up from bed in a malaise state.Gosh! what is wrong with me.Only realise that some of the symptoms am having are pretty close to one thing.Thanks to my buddy Kevin, as some of the symptoms i had are pretty closed to those with bronchitis.Am i having bronchitis? I hope not.But one thing am sure is that am desperately in need of help and rest.

This morning with the state am, i had to be in office an hour early.Seems is not my day today, while i was on the way to work, meet with an accident with two motorcyclists which is not my fault.Though not much damage was done, but my car still suffer so minor "bruises" and thank god that the man only suffer minor scratches.Get to my office,only to found out that they (my bosses and seniors) was late and i waited 30 minutes for them outside the office.Later on of the day, i was told to move from my current place to a new cubicle which had two blower of air condition directly on top of me. While busy buzzing myself with work and waiting for my lunch time; 1330, my senior told me to had my lunch an hour earlier which was his lunch time; 1230.Move my head, look at the clock and guess what? is already way past 1230.this is the second day in a row i was told to had my lunch hour in a last minute notice.Which resulting me, not having my lunch at all.

At this current moment, all i wanted to do is to drag myself back home..drive safely back and lay myself on my bed.cause am really really in a state which i can't describe myself and it feels like it will probably cause my tears to roll down my check.

Happy 21st Hatching Day....

29092004

Happy 21st Hatching Day to my Ah Sai also the brother to Ted which is also known as TZR @ LZR to some of my fella mates or also known as hayashi or better still as Derrick!!*phew*

I know you wanna hear this..so wishing you.."Pou Pou Kou Sing" *hahaah* , "Nean Nean Dou Kam Leng Zhai", "Ngan Pao Yat Nean Fei Kor Yat Nean" and of coz " Sun Dai Keen Hong"..take good care of your health and at the mean time maintain your chubby-ness...haha..hope you have a great time today..see ya later for dinner!!

Best Wishes...

28092004

Dear,

I tought this letter writting thing going to be easy but I guess it's not always that way.I have so many feeling to express that I have no idea where to begin.I never expected to feel this way towards you and to be honest I tried not to fall in love with you.But it got me,it sure got me good! I read a quote somewhere once that said "It's not missing you that kills me,is knowing that I had you in my life does".That is so absolutely true.But what's really bothering me is that I can't tell you how i feel.

As time goes on and we're apart,I think of how things could have been.What we could have said or done to work things through.Our argument was caused from so many things."My insecurities because of jealousy, my lack of self-worth, the selfish side of me that want to be the only one to make you smile!"

I have been thinking of myself a lot lately over what went wrong and what makes me feel terribly awful.I have accept that lies and falsehood won't lead me anywhere, but I guess I was just really head over heals falling for you! I might have done or said many silly things.I really went through a lot to prove a point, because lately I have noticed that you seem to turn cold whenever we chat.I am not sure, but I hope that my feeling is wrong.I should have been giving some reasons for what i felt.Perhaps you've been busy these few days or have a lot of pressure? I'm just not really use to it.

All the arguments and everything seems as if it's happening because time run by us and we don't have much time with each other, and I know that these misunderstanding don't mean anything more than just arguing at that very moment.With all this,you seem to think I don't love you anymore and i know i haven't been showing it to you either.

I know that I'm not perfect but i know that i don't want to give you up! I have arguing with you, I hate hearing that pain-filled tone of your voice, or feeling your cold shoulder when i brush past just to get a hint of your scent.I'm not naturally an angry person; you know that from the time you first meet me.

Now here we are, together again, but it doesn't feel that same.I know you still care for me, and even love me, but i wonder if you are ever going to forgive me for the past.How do we get past the hurt? I look back on all that I took for granted, and I only wish that I had appreciated it. I will always have my shooting stars to remind me.Do you know what my wish was? I wished that i would never be stupid enough to let you go!

I sit in my car after our conversation today, upset that I didn't express to you how i felt.i want you to know that i never meant to hurt you, even though it may seem that way sometimes.I thought of you many times during night, really wishing you were by my side...

How you felt after reading the letter? My brother showed me the letter when I came home from work today.Weird though, he don't seems to like writing letter all this while.Wonder where the letter came from..Do you think this guy worth a second chance? hmm..I wonder..

Anyway, today will be the last day i had my breakfast with Derrick at work, my last lunch with him at work, the last car pool ride to work.All of this; is his last day at work today! Bad news, I will miss his presence in work, no one to laugh crazyly with me at work, to crap all day long with me,to teach me for my photoshop,ilustrator and dreamweaver work when i needed one, to share my plate of "Siew Mai", enjoying the nice music in office..Good news, he will be doing what he wanted to do most - going back to college to continue his degree, lead the life he wanted too.Am happy for you Ah Sai. All the best to you in whatever you do in future~~..

Seems like i will have to be extra careful in going back now.Will be walking alone to get my car...careful..careful..

By the way, Happy Mid Autumn Festival to everyone.Hope you did enjoy the moon with your piece of mooncake and a cup of tea together with the people you love..

Monday Monday Monday..

27092004

Scary. Is already end of september and soon october will be here.another 2 months and bye bye to 2004?? hmm...hmm...Okie okie..is a brand new weekend and *ahem* *ahem* and end of sept..means paycheck *GRIN*...which is soon...

not a bad weekend I had.Went to 2 new places to have dinner on two different days.hm..not really two though..return to EZ Cafe and Restaurant which in Pandan Indah with Ed and Jezz *ahem* of coz Ted is there =) to tried out the other food they have.Oh..nice salad they served.the mayo they used is kinda different.This time the Chef came over to our table and asked for our opinion..haha..to be honest the smoked chicken grilled i had was not bad..the texture of the chicken was nice..but the BBQ sauce i ordered tasted a little salty and Ted said it has some herbalist taste on it.Guess what the chef reply was "oh..is that way..cause i cooked it in a tradition and classic way..not those you found in ready pack sauce" okie okie..you win.the calamari ring is nice..but i still like the salad..*yum* *yum*Oh! by the way, we got a complimentary salad from the chef by the end of the day *wink*

alright,that was saturday and sunday i was in another new place to tried out different stuff.MaMa Chop PaPa Grill which is in Kajang.but the original shop was in subang.Basically you can find other branches at Bangi,Pandan Indah too.ya ya i know the name of the restaurant is funny..but guessed what, the food they served not bad.I personally like the sausage cheese wrap in bread.It taste good and the beef soup, lets say is okie.haha..seems like i have been eating too much for this weekend.but i still like the enviroment in Gaia Bistro.Nice and cozzy and they have nice earl grey and Irish cream baileys..what else could be better.Nice food and favourite drinks and lets say with good companions (*ahem* when u guys gonna be free for a dinner with me??) that will be so so so nice...

Lovely...

25092004

Not a bad nite i had yesterday with the headache i had for two day till now. Manage to be on time to meet up with my bunch of girlfrens and had a lovely dinner with them.New place i went to - Gaia Bistro which is at Alam Jaya, Cheras..hmm..but is kinda difficult to find it.Nice inter decor..the food..oh well ..must said the lamp chop they served consider not bad and so is the grilled duck steak.both tasted good.something weird though, they served bacardi coke with straw...hmm...hmmm.....
glad that I managed to catch up with GS,SL and LW.to bad that MJ and CY wasn't there.Or else it will be a complete gatherting for us. Lets hope this year's gathering will be still on.Lovely night~~

Another lovely thing.. =) it has been more than 7 days Ted keep himself away from ciggie..!! woohuu..keep it going sweetheart!! You are a guy with great determination.. *wink* ..

Can't stop smiling..

22092004

Can't stop smiling when am driving all the way home. Why? cause today is the first time that the scent of the fragrance lingers in the car after Ted got down.it feel so so nice~ It lasted for the whole day, unliked previously where it can only be scented at the beginning of the day, by the end of the day is ciggie smell.haha..sweetheart. am so so proud of you...~

Went to a new restaurant for dinner today at Pandan Indah.Hhm..decor was not bad..food? hm..so so only..Price? - affordable i will say..the service? ha! when asked for bill, it took them more than 20 minutes..Wonder what went wrong.Where can you get dinner for two at RM30 and you get to refill your sky juice with lemon and they bow and open the door for you when you leave.haha..But overall - consider okie lets say 4 out of 10.hmm..probably will return there to try out the other food...

Wet Duck..

21092004

Am like a wet duck now.sitting in front of my comp in my office with the air cond full blast.Heavy rain outside, i went to the bank and get myself all wet.why i went to the bank when i was supposely to have my happy lunch time with Derrick cause BFA asked me to deposite a client's cheque.Is freaking cold now in the office with my wet shirt.oh..did i mention earlier..i was wearing a white shirt.wet hair,wet shirt,wet heals and wet pant.great!!and the BFA asked me in to the room for a small discussion which means more work to be complete! wasn't it a great day.and my lunch is at 1445 instead of the normal 1330. what a day!!wouldn't be surprise if i found myself lying on my bed with a sick body again.

Fast Day..

20092004

So so fast.Today it seems the time passed real fast..never even realise it was already 1730 when i look at my watch and another 30 minutes more..can kiss goodbye to my comp in the office.But today was kinda satisfying day..hehe..did not get to online for the whole day at the office cause up-grading service of SDSL line (*wink* can stream better now..haha..!!) manage to complete my sub-module of reports in php.feel so nice.will consider of not surfing anymore during office hour in order to be more productive...??(looks whos typing here..haha) anyway, is a nice day as everything turn out to be good.Glad to know Ted is getting way much better now.

almond tea is bad for cough.Now i know.been coughing none stop since came home from dinner.Most probably is cause of the almond tea i ordered..oh my..pls..can afford to felt sick another round..

Have Faith...

18092004

Will keep it simple and short.This is specially for Ted, what you are currently doing really hit hard on me.Am proud of you: to have the courage to keep the determination to quit smoking.The other side feeling of despair seeing you in this state.But sweetheart,keep it going! cause i have faith in you.will always be here to support you...

Man Are Egoistic......

16092004

Yes, is true.Man are egocentric.Thanks to a colleague of mine *wink*..i can prove myself right again.You see, he drives an auto car all the time as his own car is one too, but how fortunate I was today to be driven home by him in my car( haha yes..my car) which is a manual car.All the way, he was like this kid who got a new toy.he will go "oh oh..no no..why not smooth?jumpy oh..!!" or "arr..Bus!!bus!!...how how??" or "hey uncle!! move fast fast!!..i just shift to 3rd gear, wanna speed" ,"eh! eh! mati engine..how??" with his innocent yet boyish look. haha..how can i resist teaching a guy who claim he's not a boy, not yet a man! to drive a manual car. But yet he will said.."no, no..i release the accelarator pedal faster" or " i thought you were suppose to step on the brake then only to the clutch" or " cause i thought you have to release the accelator pedal then only shift gear, right?"..haha..yeah yeah..just admit you are not used in driving a manual car!But is was really an exciting ride home. it was like riding a roller coster ride..with all the laughing and silly remarks he made.He even got so excited when there are cars who wanted just to overtake in..hehe..thanks for an unforgetable ride.And My Gawd!! i can't believe he can have an orgasm by listening to"Heaven - Los Lonely Boy" and driving manual car...Lol!! That is what he told me.But be proud boy! you drove all the way from office back home..hehe..such an honour to be in the car with you.I should admit, for a person who does not drive any manual car after getting your driver licence..you did a great job! *wink* maybe we should try again sometime with the others in it too.They will be dying to be in it.

Happiness don't last long i guess.All the excitement went off when i came home and got myself feeling down with some stupid stuff.Feel so unwanted..so lost..and it makes my head ache even worst.I can feel as if my skulls is cracking.it hurts so badly.But thanks a million to you-know-who-you-are for being supportive.what will i do without you.hahaha..thanks *hug* *hug*

Gracias...

15092004

Gracias to my sweetheart,for getting me a box of lovely belgian chocolates all the way this morning.. *grin* ..thanks for everything.happy aniversary to you too....time sure flies.it had been six month we have been together and six months since we last came back from Redang..how much i miss redang..and good of ED to be in Tioman today..haha..enjoy the trip!!

apple and chocolate for lunch is healthy and it taste lovely..hahaha..this what i had for lunch today...

oh..TZR is leaving by the end of this month..handed in his resignation letter the very first thing in the morning..this give my boss a shock in the face..hahaha...i love that look!!btw,no more companion for lunch..no more crazy morning nescafe tarik and roti kosong with sambal with this ah sai of mine..so siad...*sob* *sob*..will appreciate the remaining days with him before he leave in the end month.. *wink*

I Love You...

14092004

Read my Sis's blog this morning.Sorry to hear the sad news.My condolences goes to you family and relatives.Everything just play through my mind.

"Cherish The People Around You"..How true it could be.It might seems suddenly to some of my frens and buddies why am changing to another person. Where I always told them how much I appreciate and love them, how much i miss them.I have learn my lesson well.Seeing the people i care and love most and dear to me leaving my side without having the chance to said goodbye.The last goodbye,the last hug and the last word of saying how much I love them.The heart ache and sadness is un-describe-able.Just praying everyday it would not happen again to the people i love.How much all this people meant to me, no words can be use to describe.This is me, i will love all of you with all my heart and soul.would not wanna live a day when i will regret the next minute knowing i did not get the chance to say or do the things i wanted to do with you.Coz i only have one life to know you and would not wanna regret living it...

TOP 10 Reasons Why Smoking is Bad

Cozy...(my cubicle)

13092004

Okie okie ..so TZR and I was pretty free this morning and we came out with this list..who to blame..office is to cozy for work..haha..here it goes..

10. Amaran Kementerian Kesihatan : Merokok Membahayakan Kesihatan
9. Smoking Kills 12 Times More People Than Road Accidents
8. Tobacco Tax Increase Every Year

7. Is Equivalent of Burning Money
6. Breath of Tobacco is so Un-kewl
5.Natural Tobacco 'frangrance' s****
4.It makes a man impotent..in a matter of time
3.Passive Smoker Have Higher Risk - You are killing anyone who is around you
2. Smoke From Ciggies Pollute the Air The Most

1. It has no good in ANY way

hahaha..so hope you fellas out there enjoy the list as both of us do.. LoL!!
sorry sweetheart..can't help it.. you know what I meant..I have no issue on you *wink*

Back to Normal...

12092004

Finally am back to normal.Getting much much better compare to the last few days.Been recuperating for two days at home. But nothing beats the bird nest my Ah Ma boiled for me.It was the best thing that makes me recover...hahaha..thank you very much to her..appreciate that a lot..her time and effort.
I got a shock this evening when I came back.My bro got himself a new hair cut that totally thrown me off.He shave his hair bald!!!Though is not the first time he did that, but this time is the shortest ( haha...can't define short here) which is ..oh..am out of words..can't describe.Pity him.Is not that he want too, but he does not have a choice here.I do understand.No worries bro, you hair will grow back in no time and everything will recover, back to normal.Is only a matter of time......

Worst...

10092004

The most lousy day of my year. This year had not being any better ain't it.The cough, the sore throat did not get any better.Down with fewer again this morning, yet still am forcing myself to work (heck..it sounds am so respondsible) but what is worst, that by the time of 1530 am at home again lying on my bed.The only thing i had force down my tummy is the glass of nescafe ice and roti kosong i had for breakfast.Am feeling so so numb.Aint have any enthusiasm for food.Been sleeping for the entire afternoon and it does not make me feel any better when I woke up at 2000.The worst feeling I ever had.The only thing I crave the most is a HUG, yet I can't get any. The only comfort I get was a postcard from MJ.Thanks a million for brighten up my gloomy day.It suddenly makes me misses you so so much.Hope I will be able to be down soon to meet you up again.

The weekend is here.Partying, clubbing, drinking session is not what am looking forward too.Looking forward in seeing Ted again this sunday.Am just hoping that I will get well soon.Pray for me please??

TZR: sorry for making you to take public transport back home today..

I want my voice back..

08092004

Woke up this morning realising that I have lost my voice cause of my stupid cough and sore throat..Sorry sweetheart for sounding awkward this morning when I called you. Is cause I barely have my voice...Am down with fewer this morning, and yet have to go to work..sigh..how I wish I couuld have another day of MC so that I could get some rest at home..feeling pretty restless at this moment in the office..tonnes of work to do, just don't feel like finising it up. The temptation of reading is far more greater .*wink* that's why am done reading Dan Brown's - The Da Vince Code. Can't wait to get back home to start the other book.

oh..today is Jae and Dan final day for assignments submission.I will surely get my voice back as am looking forward to go karaoke session with them.see both of you soon!!

Got the news from my sweetheart that he will not be able to go back to JB to attend his grandma's birthday dinner.Know you must have been very dissapointed with that.There is no such things as perfect.Your family will surely understand your situation.You can surely give your grandma a better treat once you have the chance to go home again.Look at the bright side at least one presentation will be over by this friday.So..cheer up alright..Love you..

Pooped..

07092004

Physically and mentally worn out

Shallow Swine.........

06092004

Is gonna be a long blog entry for today

Anyone of you who read THE STAR this morning..front page will know what am going to blog.The State Goverment had approved a marina project which will destroy one of the world-renowned marine dive sites in Pulau Tioman.It hurts so bad to read that news.My heart ache so shoddily..How could the state goverment approved the marina project?? Though am not a professional diver. But the beauty of the under water is so divine that is capture the whole of me the very moment I saw it.Development for the country is important, but to destroy the beauty that GOD has created is cruel. How long would it takes to get this beauty on the Earth again. These endangered giant clam and 300-year-old coral does not come easy.To see a bed of death coral in the bottom of the sea is really scary.The feeling is like standing at a grave yard looking at all the tombs..Really wish that WWF (read: World WildLife Foundation) and other international organisation will do something about it.Help to safe something which even money can't buy...

Another story that disturbed me is about one of my good girlfriends who is living in JB at this moment for her Uni education.She is currently staying at a rented house with a bunch of ugly 'byeatch' who treat her so donkey worse that i feel like slapping each of them.The attitude of 'sekadar ada buat sudah' really sucks.They will left all the work to her if she realise some of it is wrong.What is wrong with them?? If is wrong, ain't it is appropriate to correct it again.Back stabbing other ppl is the expertise..what kinda frens is this?? asking my girlfren not to tell anyone how they are treating her as is a 'clique' thingy?? Excuse me?? A 'clique' thingy?? they dun even treat as part of them. and yet shame of them who dare to spoke those words out from their mouth. Not including my girlfren in their every single activities and even simple thing as going out for lunch/dinner they are isolating her. What even pissed me off the most is that nowadays even making copy of any materials from the lecturing will not be including my girlfren.Ironic don't you think. They knew how they treating her is wrong, and yet they still doing it.*shake head*..
Am really worry about her. You have asked me why you have to go through this all by yourself in the foreign land. My dear, if you are reading this..be strong, everything happens for a reason.what you are going through now will make you a better person in the future. Do not compare yourself to those 'shallow' people. Though I might not be able to bere there for you when u needed a shoulder to cry on or a *HUG* to ease all the pain or someone to talk too or just a plain companion.Just wanted you to know, we are always here to give you a listening ears no matter what. We are always anticipating for you to be back here.I really hope that you will at least do some thing that make yourself happy.Will want you to have a happy life over there. Treat yourself better my girl..love yourself more..waiting to see you soon..take good care alright...

Apologise...

05092004


My apology goes to my sis, pammy.Really sorry for not being able to turn up for your drama play although you have sincerely invite me to be there.Hope you will accept my apologise.It must have been a great drama play..darn..how could i miss it out. *sorry*

Guess there is much apologise to make. Amanda, if you are reading this my apology to you.I know you do hope that i will turn up for that rally. Hope you did have a great time with JN there. I was at the MINES for the whole evening and yet when JN gave me a called I was still there.*sorry*

Darn..the exhibition was okie okie, it was just that the boss of mine was like a three year old kid who is interested in every single things that seem to be there at the exhibition. But I must admit that the exhibition was really a good place to learn and expose yourself to many new stuff in the ICT world.It was like walking the whole day for a great shopping spree (1000 till 1730).

What a weekend is was.Am tired and bushed out. Desperately need to get my butt up and visit my GP. MC pls......

Money - Good or Evil??...

03092004

Good or evil? that's the question. am in the mist of deciding to continue my working life or going back to my college life. Life won't be easy without money you see. As this few months am having my own income, it makes me feels satisfied as i do not need to ask anymore money from my parents.A stable income really changes someone's life, no doubt bout that. But yet, money is not everything. the so 'good' boss of mine, is still considering my confirmation. Is not that he does not want to confirm my colleague and me, is just that he's probably thinking how much should he offer us once he confirm us.haha..there it goes again.. money,money,money.such a powerful thing in this world.

going back to college is bout money too.Apiit is one good institute that swallow one big chunk of your money.going back to college means no more stable income every month.yeah..and yet still needs to get my allowance from my parents.Darn..is bout money again.why,why..tell me? how could money is everything when i just write is not everything.Contradict?? yeah..guess it is..

another thing is about money. Just send my car to the work shop for a repair yesterday..my,my, the total amount of the bill? RM565..money and money and more money...

Thank you sweetheart for the time and effort to take the car to the workshop.Appreciate that a lot!

Money anyone??

Welcome Sept...

01092004

Time sure pass by fast. 3 more months to go and we shall bid goodbye to 2004. been pretty busy since my last blog. and my..lots of stuff to be recount on.

Everyday it seems to be inevitable to have the word 'respect' to be part of daily life...willingness to show consideration or appreciation to each other. But in the world today it seems to be lacking of it as each day goes by. every bits of life needs of this so called 'respect' to keep things in order.

Tell me how you would see an individual who don't even know how to give a little respect to the root that he came from. I might sounds exaggerating the whole thing.This is me, show me the respect to the person that needs one and i will respect you for no matter who you are.

A little respect is just this world needs today, and guess that everything will be in a peaceful way...